I spent a week with my family over Christmas. One of the things I loved was being able to talk to my cousin's daughter, who I think of as a niece, and my brother's sons. My niece and three nephews are in their early 20s. One nephew is in his 30s and well established with his own business.
The universal theme for the 4 in their early 20s was trying to figure out what kind of careers they wanted. Or, for two who know their area of interest- sustainability- they are trying to figure out the specific job they want in that field and how to get started. It reminded me of how sucky it was being in, or just graduated from college and feeling the pressure of needing to know what you wanted to BE when you grow up, but not having any clear avenues to figure that out.
I know there are some lucky few who know from an early age, exactly what they want to do and they never waiver. I always envied their certainty. But this isn't the case for most kids. I know when I graduated I didn't know. I had a hard enough time trying to figure out my major. I wish someone had told me to not worry about deciding so quickly and to spend time exploring and experimenting so I could discover what I was really interested or passionate about. How can they know what they want, without going out and exploring and experimenting; without scanning possibilities?
I know many kids are influenced by their own or their friends parents. They get the exposure to what they are doing and get interested in it, or decide they want to avoid that field at all costs. My brother was influenced by a neighbor who was a successful developer. I ended up meeting someone by happenstance who was doing something that sounded really interesting- organization development. Even though it was a new field and I knew very little about it or how to get into it, I decided it's what I wanted to do. It took several years and another fortuitous happenstance before a door opened. Before that opening, I felt a lot of pressure, frustration and some despondency.
I wish someone had told me to relax. I wish someone had said you don't have to decide right now. You don't even have enough information. Follow your curiosity. Go explore and experiment. Discover what holds interest and passion for you. I wish someone had told me how to navigate through that uncertainty; how, for example to do informational interviews which I learned on my own after I quit one job cold turkey. It was a very empowering process that put me and potential employers on equal ground.
I have given my niece and nephews the best advice I can. But I wonder, what would others advise? This is not just a rhetorical question. These four young adults are very bright and dedicated people. Their energy, skills and abilities are precious resources, needed for our future. I would hate to see that resource, or their hope and commitment squandered.
So, really, what would you say to a young adult in their 20's, who wants to make a contribution and is trying to learn how to successfully navigate the world of work today? I would really appreciate your comments and will gladly summarize them if I get a plethora of suggestions; which I hope I do.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
A beautiful expression of graditude
I hope you all have a warm and joyous holiday.
Please enjoy this beautiful expression of graditude shared by Brother David Steindl-Rast.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zl9puhwiyw
Please enjoy this beautiful expression of graditude shared by Brother David Steindl-Rast.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zl9puhwiyw
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Charter For Compassion
Every religious tradition around the world has the principle of compassion at it's core.
This shared value can be a foundation for finding the common ground that unites us. View this wonderful video and consider adding your voice to the writing of a new charter of compassion.
http://charterforcompassion.com/
This shared value can be a foundation for finding the common ground that unites us. View this wonderful video and consider adding your voice to the writing of a new charter of compassion.
http://charterforcompassion.com/
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Revising Lessons on Intuition
Hi,
I'm revising the post on hard lessons in learning to listen to intuition. Should be back up 2morrow.
I'm revising the post on hard lessons in learning to listen to intuition. Should be back up 2morrow.
Well, after the aftermath of the panic attack from not taking action on my intuition and realizing that I have potentially left a lot of money on the table there are a couple of realizations.
Having the extra cushion of money led me to be complacent. I have needed to get off my duff and get creating, as in the form of contribution in the world and I have been easily distracted. The tight rope walk, is definitely a catalyst for movement.
I am in an amazing writing program, called Write/Speak with Barbara Sher and I have been squandering the time with distractions. Having extra money has lead to the perpetual perspective that 'I have time". This is a myth.
Barbara talks about isolation as a dream killer. Well so is inaction. The dream gets dulled and distant and begins to dissipate without attention. Every step, no matter how small is important.
It moves the energy from stalled to forward. Every step brings more clarity and opens the next door, increasing the reality of the dreams fulfillment.
Having the extra cushion of money led me to be complacent. I have needed to get off my duff and get creating, as in the form of contribution in the world and I have been easily distracted. The tight rope walk, is definitely a catalyst for movement.
I am in an amazing writing program, called Write/Speak with Barbara Sher and I have been squandering the time with distractions. Having extra money has lead to the perpetual perspective that 'I have time". This is a myth.
Barbara talks about isolation as a dream killer. Well so is inaction. The dream gets dulled and distant and begins to dissipate without attention. Every step, no matter how small is important.
It moves the energy from stalled to forward. Every step brings more clarity and opens the next door, increasing the reality of the dreams fulfillment.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Inspiring and Uplifting Video
This is a link to the Bill Moyers interview with the creator of Playing for Change, a project to connect and unite people around the world through music. The first 3:30 minutes is Bill's summary of the feelings of despair many people have now, and then it is totally focused on this uplifting project as one antidote.Hang in there through the first 3 1/2 minutes, then enjoy:) http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/10242008/watch3.html
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Exploring the Unknown
My friend and colleague Rachel has written an insightful blog entry on getting comfortable with the unknown. I hope you will visit and read it at :http://whynotrachel.wordpress.com/.
It stimulated some of my own thoughts that I wanted to share.
It is human nature to want to explore the unknown. Our curiosity, thirst for knowledge and drive for problem solving propels us toward exploration, discovery and innovation. It is our quest to discover new worlds and new frontiers.
Change is in our DNA. As sensing beings we register change, not stasis. We figuratively and literally die, if we do not change. Brain scientists are discovering that one of the most critical factors to avoiding dementia is learning new things. We used to think that the brain reached its level of development in early adulthood and didn't change after that. We now know that is not true. Our brains have a high degree of plasticity which gives it the ability to lay down new circuitry and make new connections. This enables us to learn new things, expand thoughts and attitudes, and also to relearn abilities that were once thought to be lost after stroke or paralysis.
As human beings, we are really change beings. We thrive on challenge and overcoming the 'impossible'. A classic example of our ability to explore the unknown came in the early 60's when JFK issued the challenge to land a man on the moon and get him back by the end of the decade. At the time he issued that challenge, the scientists in the National Labs, were all fully involved and committed to other projects. We did not have the rocket fuel, or the materials to build a space ship that could go that distance, let alone safely re-enter the atmosphere. Yet, these brilliant minds were re-directed, and we did invent everything needed to successfully accomplish this goal before the end of the decade.
Those qualities that were used to address the challenge of the 60s remain latent in us as today.
I think we are hungry for a similar challenge. One that calls us forward to a common goal. One requires us to to become greater individually and collectively than we are today.
There are several issues we face today that would lend themselves to this kind of challenging, seemingly impossible mission. The threat of global warming and the need to become energy independent is a striking example. If we apply the best within us, to explore this unknown territory and generate the innovation we are capable of, we can find the solutions needed and reinvigorate our economy at the same time.
I think we are not only capable of meeting such a challenge but would thrive on it.
Bring it on.
It stimulated some of my own thoughts that I wanted to share.
It is human nature to want to explore the unknown. Our curiosity, thirst for knowledge and drive for problem solving propels us toward exploration, discovery and innovation. It is our quest to discover new worlds and new frontiers.
Change is in our DNA. As sensing beings we register change, not stasis. We figuratively and literally die, if we do not change. Brain scientists are discovering that one of the most critical factors to avoiding dementia is learning new things. We used to think that the brain reached its level of development in early adulthood and didn't change after that. We now know that is not true. Our brains have a high degree of plasticity which gives it the ability to lay down new circuitry and make new connections. This enables us to learn new things, expand thoughts and attitudes, and also to relearn abilities that were once thought to be lost after stroke or paralysis.
As human beings, we are really change beings. We thrive on challenge and overcoming the 'impossible'. A classic example of our ability to explore the unknown came in the early 60's when JFK issued the challenge to land a man on the moon and get him back by the end of the decade. At the time he issued that challenge, the scientists in the National Labs, were all fully involved and committed to other projects. We did not have the rocket fuel, or the materials to build a space ship that could go that distance, let alone safely re-enter the atmosphere. Yet, these brilliant minds were re-directed, and we did invent everything needed to successfully accomplish this goal before the end of the decade.
Those qualities that were used to address the challenge of the 60s remain latent in us as today.
I think we are hungry for a similar challenge. One that calls us forward to a common goal. One requires us to to become greater individually and collectively than we are today.
There are several issues we face today that would lend themselves to this kind of challenging, seemingly impossible mission. The threat of global warming and the need to become energy independent is a striking example. If we apply the best within us, to explore this unknown territory and generate the innovation we are capable of, we can find the solutions needed and reinvigorate our economy at the same time.
I think we are not only capable of meeting such a challenge but would thrive on it.
Bring it on.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Playing for change- Peace through music
Friday night , Bill Moyer's Journal had a feature story about a project taken on to connect people worldwide through music, and through that connection, foster peace. It is beautiful project.
I hope you will look at the web site and listen to one of the examples. Click on 'Stand by Me'.
http://playingforchange.com/
I hope you will look at the web site and listen to one of the examples. Click on 'Stand by Me'.
http://playingforchange.com/
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Connection and relatedness
I was thinking about the financial crises and how the size of the institutions and the lack of relationships contributed to the problem.
When I was growing up, we lived in a small town. My parents knew and were friends with the branch manager of the local bank. I remember going into the bank with my dad many times. We would always go go over to talk to Merle, the bank manager. He and his wife Elaine had become friends of my mom and dad. Even after Merle retired, and they moved out of the area, my parents stayed in contact with them.
The relationship between my dad and Merle, was critical to their successful transactions over decades. Based on a long history of interaction, they knew each other. They knew each other's character, family circumstances, hopes, dreams. So, when my dad decided to ask for a loan to purchase land and build a house, Merle knew he was trustworthy. He knew dad's history, his commitment to place and that he could be counted on to repay the loan.
My parents relationship with the Browns was not unusual. At that time, it was the norm that there were relationships and a connection between people who did business together. The relationships were a key part of knowing that you could rely on each other; and that you were supporting each others successful endeavors.
This almost sounds quaint in the context of today's big corporations. Big multinational institution rarely have a deep relationship to people or place. Because these institutions are doing business in so many places and dealing with such a high volume of customers, customer service is not a relationship but often an impersonal application of policies and scripts for interaction. The organization is designed for institutional expediency and self-protection, not relationship or connection.
Think of the last time you got stuck for hours in a plane on the tarmac; or when your flight got cancelled and you had to call customer service somewhere around the world. You will know exactly what I mean. There is little mutuality in the exchange. It is aggravatingly impersonal, and frustratingly ineffective.
I know it doesn't sound like a very 'sophisticated' explanation, but at a very fundamental level, this loss of connection, loss of a direct relationship with the customer, is at the root of the financial crises.
When I was growing up, we lived in a small town. My parents knew and were friends with the branch manager of the local bank. I remember going into the bank with my dad many times. We would always go go over to talk to Merle, the bank manager. He and his wife Elaine had become friends of my mom and dad. Even after Merle retired, and they moved out of the area, my parents stayed in contact with them.
The relationship between my dad and Merle, was critical to their successful transactions over decades. Based on a long history of interaction, they knew each other. They knew each other's character, family circumstances, hopes, dreams. So, when my dad decided to ask for a loan to purchase land and build a house, Merle knew he was trustworthy. He knew dad's history, his commitment to place and that he could be counted on to repay the loan.
My parents relationship with the Browns was not unusual. At that time, it was the norm that there were relationships and a connection between people who did business together. The relationships were a key part of knowing that you could rely on each other; and that you were supporting each others successful endeavors.
This almost sounds quaint in the context of today's big corporations. Big multinational institution rarely have a deep relationship to people or place. Because these institutions are doing business in so many places and dealing with such a high volume of customers, customer service is not a relationship but often an impersonal application of policies and scripts for interaction. The organization is designed for institutional expediency and self-protection, not relationship or connection.
Think of the last time you got stuck for hours in a plane on the tarmac; or when your flight got cancelled and you had to call customer service somewhere around the world. You will know exactly what I mean. There is little mutuality in the exchange. It is aggravatingly impersonal, and frustratingly ineffective.
I know it doesn't sound like a very 'sophisticated' explanation, but at a very fundamental level, this loss of connection, loss of a direct relationship with the customer, is at the root of the financial crises.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
McCain blows the Leadership Test- Again
For the past week, Gov. Palin and Senator McCain have been fanning the flames of incendiary rhetoric, trying to turn our attention away from the real political issues that should be the focus of our examination and discourse. Palin particularly has had the role of using lies and innuendo to try to attack Obama's character. She would not be taking this approach without the full endorsement of this strategy by McCain.
At the most recent rallies with McCain, people were so incited that they yelled the slurs of "traitor" and "terrorist" and used invectives about hurting Obama. This has been met, belatedly, with a tepid denouncement by McCain.
Yes, campaigns get tough this time of year, but the use of this strategy demonstrates such poor judgement, it can only be explained as an act of extreme desperation. When Palin stirs up the mob mentality that is created at their rallies, and McCain accepts it, it is dangerous and a huge disservice to our country. It eliminates rationality and appeals only to the lowest, most base level of our humanity.
For someone who claimed to want to eliminate partisan politics, as McCain has repeatedly said he wanted to do, this strategy is dumbfounding. To treat another presidential candidate with this level of disrespect and slander is inexcusable. No matter who wins this election, John McCain and Sarah Palin have contributed to a heightened level of partisanship, distrust and hatred; leaving a residue of intolerance that has the potential to threaten us all.
At the most recent rallies with McCain, people were so incited that they yelled the slurs of "traitor" and "terrorist" and used invectives about hurting Obama. This has been met, belatedly, with a tepid denouncement by McCain.
Yes, campaigns get tough this time of year, but the use of this strategy demonstrates such poor judgement, it can only be explained as an act of extreme desperation. When Palin stirs up the mob mentality that is created at their rallies, and McCain accepts it, it is dangerous and a huge disservice to our country. It eliminates rationality and appeals only to the lowest, most base level of our humanity.
For someone who claimed to want to eliminate partisan politics, as McCain has repeatedly said he wanted to do, this strategy is dumbfounding. To treat another presidential candidate with this level of disrespect and slander is inexcusable. No matter who wins this election, John McCain and Sarah Palin have contributed to a heightened level of partisanship, distrust and hatred; leaving a residue of intolerance that has the potential to threaten us all.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Time to Reclaim Dreams
October 9, 2008
Tonight I feel a distance from the fear. I am aware of it. I am aware that if I really focused on it, it could build. But I mostly feel a separation and distance from the mass hysteria that is going on in the financial markets. I think no matter what happens there, we will be OK. Actually, part of the shift in my thinking is that the stock market is so ridiculously low that it is an opportunity of a lifetime to put money in. Because history shows that every time the bottom has been reached the rebound is huge.
But I am done worrying about the market. What is most important now, is to focus on the future. Its time to reclaim dreams. I have gifts, skills and talents that I want to contribute, to make a difference. And the world needs me to do that. Now more than ever, the world needs each one of us to do that.
Tonight I feel a distance from the fear. I am aware of it. I am aware that if I really focused on it, it could build. But I mostly feel a separation and distance from the mass hysteria that is going on in the financial markets. I think no matter what happens there, we will be OK. Actually, part of the shift in my thinking is that the stock market is so ridiculously low that it is an opportunity of a lifetime to put money in. Because history shows that every time the bottom has been reached the rebound is huge.
But I am done worrying about the market. What is most important now, is to focus on the future. Its time to reclaim dreams. I have gifts, skills and talents that I want to contribute, to make a difference. And the world needs me to do that. Now more than ever, the world needs each one of us to do that.
Importance of Managing Stress
This week has been a roller coaster of a stress. In order to regain and maintain perspective, it has been really important to take steps to actively manage your stress levels. Here are a few things that I have found can make a big difference:
- Stay connected to friends and family who support you. Avoid isolation.
- Talk to a trusted financial advisor who is a competent expert, committed to your best interest and who can give you accurate information and perspective.
- Take extra good care of yourself.
- Eat really healthy food. Avoid excess sugar or alcohol.
- Walk or do some form of aerobic exercise every day, to move the adrenaline out of your body and reduce the cortisol caused by stress. This will have a calming effect and help restore perspective.
- Turn off CNN or any other station that is broadcasting non-stop reports or analysis of the crises. It sounds like it may be new information, but it is usually just a regurgitation of the old and has the effect of recycling the emotional drama.
- Pay attention to and manage your thoughts and where you place your attention. Avoid going down the path of catastrophe and worry.
- Read things that are inspiring and uplifting.
- Spend some time during each day in a practice that helps you reconnect with yourself as a 'centered' calm being. This can be through meditation, or by simply repeating a word that you choose that is affirming like love, or relax, or by taking a series of deep, relaxing breaths and slowly, gently letting them out.
- Go to bed a little earlier, to get a full night of restorative sleep.
Chosing a New Focus
October 8, 2008
I woke up last night, again in cold sweat, but something had shifted. I realized that I had to get back to work. I have been on sabbatical, investigating other interests and what I might do in the next chapter of my life. Given what’s happening in the market, I may not have the back up resources to stay on sabbatical or consider semi-retirement. I have all these skills and talents that I am not using. Now I need to use them to make a contribution, to make a difference.
I am feeling a determination to move past this panic and to reclaim my future.
I still have instances of fear creeping in, but I have to stay focused on what I am creating. It will be a form of disciplined practice, to walk my own talk about how important intention and choice of focus is.
I woke up last night, again in cold sweat, but something had shifted. I realized that I had to get back to work. I have been on sabbatical, investigating other interests and what I might do in the next chapter of my life. Given what’s happening in the market, I may not have the back up resources to stay on sabbatical or consider semi-retirement. I have all these skills and talents that I am not using. Now I need to use them to make a contribution, to make a difference.
I am feeling a determination to move past this panic and to reclaim my future.
I still have instances of fear creeping in, but I have to stay focused on what I am creating. It will be a form of disciplined practice, to walk my own talk about how important intention and choice of focus is.
Catching the Contagion of Panic
Monday, Oct 6, 2008
Tonight I was shaking with cold terror. I really was cold from it.
I had caught the fear that seems to be a contagion on Wall Street. My whole picture of reality has turned upside down. I realized that I had been distracted this last month, not paying attention to the financial situation and its repercussions; not registering my vulnerability in having assets in the stock market; not taking action to get those assets out soon enough.
This realization spiraled into a web that spun me into total panic and propelled me back into the throws of worst case scenario visions that seem to be just under the surface of the collective consciousness. It was the giant reckoning of the second depression. This was the ultimate ‘other shoe’ that might drop and proof that dreams can’t be realized. The possibility of creating anything for the future is wiped out. From this perspective, there seems to be only desolation, and hopelessness. I saw no way out of the problem, and no consolation once the worst has happened. My perception of my reality was very clear and stark.
Then I progressed into the retribution stage.
How could I have let this happen?! How could I have spent money on my home remodel? Yes, I had great plan and hope for the future, for new work, etc. but Now I may not get the chance to realize any of it. How could I have been so blind to this timing? Why did I not stay alert to the economic situation and how it was changing over time? After all my committment to listening to my intuition, how did I overlook it this time?
I know that I am feeling the panic of the collective psyche. I think most of us are. The actions that are being taken to sell stocks at immense loss just to get out of the market, is a reflection of the devastation that fear can wreak. It can grab hold of you; building on itself, until it becomes an enveloping nightmare that squeezes the future out of you. When you are gripped by it, it seems like there is no place to look except into its nightmare reality. I ‘know’ that’s not the truth, but I haven’t gotten out of this morass yet. I’m working on it.
Tonight I was shaking with cold terror. I really was cold from it.
I had caught the fear that seems to be a contagion on Wall Street. My whole picture of reality has turned upside down. I realized that I had been distracted this last month, not paying attention to the financial situation and its repercussions; not registering my vulnerability in having assets in the stock market; not taking action to get those assets out soon enough.
This realization spiraled into a web that spun me into total panic and propelled me back into the throws of worst case scenario visions that seem to be just under the surface of the collective consciousness. It was the giant reckoning of the second depression. This was the ultimate ‘other shoe’ that might drop and proof that dreams can’t be realized. The possibility of creating anything for the future is wiped out. From this perspective, there seems to be only desolation, and hopelessness. I saw no way out of the problem, and no consolation once the worst has happened. My perception of my reality was very clear and stark.
Then I progressed into the retribution stage.
How could I have let this happen?! How could I have spent money on my home remodel? Yes, I had great plan and hope for the future, for new work, etc. but Now I may not get the chance to realize any of it. How could I have been so blind to this timing? Why did I not stay alert to the economic situation and how it was changing over time? After all my committment to listening to my intuition, how did I overlook it this time?
I know that I am feeling the panic of the collective psyche. I think most of us are. The actions that are being taken to sell stocks at immense loss just to get out of the market, is a reflection of the devastation that fear can wreak. It can grab hold of you; building on itself, until it becomes an enveloping nightmare that squeezes the future out of you. When you are gripped by it, it seems like there is no place to look except into its nightmare reality. I ‘know’ that’s not the truth, but I haven’t gotten out of this morass yet. I’m working on it.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Hope is an essential nutrient for life
I am realizing how essential hope is to everyone, individually and collectively. In the current economic situation it is easy to be overwhelmed by fear.
I think that fear works on us in such a way that it makes us small. If we let it grab hold, it can cause us to contract energetically, shrinking down to our smallest selves. It drives us to huddle in a tight ball in the corner of a dark room, scanning for anything that threatens us.
Hope expands us energetically. It is a catalyst to get up and get out of the room. It propels us to a high vista where we can survey the expanse of our possibility. Hope provides us the impetus to reach out and take the first steps toward realizing our potential.
Hope is an essential nutrient for a fulfilling life.
I think that fear works on us in such a way that it makes us small. If we let it grab hold, it can cause us to contract energetically, shrinking down to our smallest selves. It drives us to huddle in a tight ball in the corner of a dark room, scanning for anything that threatens us.
Hope expands us energetically. It is a catalyst to get up and get out of the room. It propels us to a high vista where we can survey the expanse of our possibility. Hope provides us the impetus to reach out and take the first steps toward realizing our potential.
Hope is an essential nutrient for a fulfilling life.
Turning the corner on Fear
There is a lot to say about fear and its affect on me/us. In my experience, fear can grab hold of you and totally distort the view of your life and your future.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night in one of those cold sweats, where you are bombarded with the thoughts of what could go wrong. In this case from the economic situation we are facing and the panic generated from the lack of understanding and inaction from congress. (there is a much bigger story here too obviously), and the fear being compounded by the media reporting.
I woke up with the absolute realization that the game had changed and I was at risk. This wasn't an abstract concept. It was the recognition that the game had changed and all the rules and assumptions based on those rules were out the window. In the worst case scenario, if the economic system unravels then I and a lot of other people could be cast into a dire survival mode.
I found myself watching these thoughts roll out, creating a vast net like a spider web that ensnares and traps the victim. Thoughts can do that: create whole realities in themselves. And in creating this reality in my mind, I became aware of the way I was shrinking into the corner of my mind becoming smaller and more immobilized with every escalating dire prognosis.
I don't like giving a lot of credence to the fear based thought patterns. Usually, I am able to totally change tracks of thinking and get out of the pit of the negative. This time I couldn't. The force of the collective consensus of the situation had too strong a hold of me. So, I tried something else. This time I followed the path of the worst case scenario to see where it would lead. I'm sure you know that spiral: Loss of income or assets leads to not being able to pay bills, leads to losing my house; which, since I am self employed, results in having no place to work or create.
In the past, when I have been gripped by this fear, the unraveling usually ends up with the end point of becoming a bag lady. I understand this is a universal fear. This time, I got a different perspective. If I lost everything, I could still go to the library and use the computer to write. There was still a way I could have a vehicle to express. That was at the core. If I could do that, then I can keep going. I didn't have to have all that stuff, but I do need a way to continue to express and create. That part of me is the pathway to survival and revival.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but, following this line of worst case logic got me to a core of something really important to me that I will not lose no matter what the external environment. Creating and expressing are at the core of who I am. If I have a way to continue that, I can take care of myself. Knowing that gave me the sense of calm and reassurance that I will be OK no matter what happens externally. Having that calm, helped me get out of the trap of the fear based thought spiral.
So I wonder what this is for others. What is it that is so essential in you, that you know you will not lose, no matter what the real or imagined worst case scenarios are?
I am totally surprised to find how liberating the discovery of this answer has been for me.
I hope it will be for you too.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night in one of those cold sweats, where you are bombarded with the thoughts of what could go wrong. In this case from the economic situation we are facing and the panic generated from the lack of understanding and inaction from congress. (there is a much bigger story here too obviously), and the fear being compounded by the media reporting.
I woke up with the absolute realization that the game had changed and I was at risk. This wasn't an abstract concept. It was the recognition that the game had changed and all the rules and assumptions based on those rules were out the window. In the worst case scenario, if the economic system unravels then I and a lot of other people could be cast into a dire survival mode.
I found myself watching these thoughts roll out, creating a vast net like a spider web that ensnares and traps the victim. Thoughts can do that: create whole realities in themselves. And in creating this reality in my mind, I became aware of the way I was shrinking into the corner of my mind becoming smaller and more immobilized with every escalating dire prognosis.
I don't like giving a lot of credence to the fear based thought patterns. Usually, I am able to totally change tracks of thinking and get out of the pit of the negative. This time I couldn't. The force of the collective consensus of the situation had too strong a hold of me. So, I tried something else. This time I followed the path of the worst case scenario to see where it would lead. I'm sure you know that spiral: Loss of income or assets leads to not being able to pay bills, leads to losing my house; which, since I am self employed, results in having no place to work or create.
In the past, when I have been gripped by this fear, the unraveling usually ends up with the end point of becoming a bag lady. I understand this is a universal fear. This time, I got a different perspective. If I lost everything, I could still go to the library and use the computer to write. There was still a way I could have a vehicle to express. That was at the core. If I could do that, then I can keep going. I didn't have to have all that stuff, but I do need a way to continue to express and create. That part of me is the pathway to survival and revival.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but, following this line of worst case logic got me to a core of something really important to me that I will not lose no matter what the external environment. Creating and expressing are at the core of who I am. If I have a way to continue that, I can take care of myself. Knowing that gave me the sense of calm and reassurance that I will be OK no matter what happens externally. Having that calm, helped me get out of the trap of the fear based thought spiral.
So I wonder what this is for others. What is it that is so essential in you, that you know you will not lose, no matter what the real or imagined worst case scenarios are?
I am totally surprised to find how liberating the discovery of this answer has been for me.
I hope it will be for you too.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Consulting one's intuiton or guidance
Hi Susan,
I wanted to respond to your request to write about how one consults one's intuition to strengthen our internal perceptions of a situation.
This has been a really important question for me. Especially around the issue of following your dreams or following your heart. I have sometimes felt like I didn't know what my dreams were, or what my heart was expressing, or how to distinguish what was my heart and what was my head, because I have a great mind that likes to be in control and I often override subtle signals from my inner voice or intuition.
I have worked with many process and practices. The one I am learning and using now is a Sufi practice called "remembrance". It is very straight forward, easy and can be done anytime and any place. Remembrance is essentially a process of sitting and reflecting. It is similar to meditation, in that you use a word that has a positive connotation for you and you repeat it. But it is different from meditation in that the focus is to locate yourself in your heart and to listen and observe what emerges.
I have found that doing this practice regularly, even for a few minutes, helps reinforce the ease of accessing that place of quiet wisdom, even when I am in a crises. Usually, when in a crises, I feel myself tighten and constrict in the stress of the situation. But, in practicing remembrance, I am able to relax into an expansion of myself and to access perspective and guidance that comes form a wiser aspect of myself. I have often received guidance on what to do that I would never have 'thought' of, yet it is surprisingly simple, straightforward and obviously appropriate.
I have attached a link to an article about Remembrance that is posted at the Lion Heart Consulting web site. I learned the practice through them in a year long leadership program. http://www.lionhrt.com/theremembrance.htm
I hope this is useful. Please let me know if you would like additional information, or want to talk about this, we could set up a phone call.
Warmly,
Patricia
I wanted to respond to your request to write about how one consults one's intuition to strengthen our internal perceptions of a situation.
This has been a really important question for me. Especially around the issue of following your dreams or following your heart. I have sometimes felt like I didn't know what my dreams were, or what my heart was expressing, or how to distinguish what was my heart and what was my head, because I have a great mind that likes to be in control and I often override subtle signals from my inner voice or intuition.
I have worked with many process and practices. The one I am learning and using now is a Sufi practice called "remembrance". It is very straight forward, easy and can be done anytime and any place. Remembrance is essentially a process of sitting and reflecting. It is similar to meditation, in that you use a word that has a positive connotation for you and you repeat it. But it is different from meditation in that the focus is to locate yourself in your heart and to listen and observe what emerges.
I have found that doing this practice regularly, even for a few minutes, helps reinforce the ease of accessing that place of quiet wisdom, even when I am in a crises. Usually, when in a crises, I feel myself tighten and constrict in the stress of the situation. But, in practicing remembrance, I am able to relax into an expansion of myself and to access perspective and guidance that comes form a wiser aspect of myself. I have often received guidance on what to do that I would never have 'thought' of, yet it is surprisingly simple, straightforward and obviously appropriate.
I have attached a link to an article about Remembrance that is posted at the Lion Heart Consulting web site. I learned the practice through them in a year long leadership program. http://www.lionhrt.com/theremembrance.htm
I hope this is useful. Please let me know if you would like additional information, or want to talk about this, we could set up a phone call.
Warmly,
Patricia
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Consulting Experts
Thank you for your comments Susan.
As I am reading them, I hear several interesting issues in your statement and question, so I probably will respond with multiple entries as I delve into the observation and question.
I actually hadn't intended to communicate that I thought consulting experts wasn't helpful. It actually was very helpful. As I think I mentioned in an email to you several months ago, I think finding good knowledge experts and advisers is critical when having to make decisions in areas you have no prior experience in. Actually, I think the selection of good experts can be critical in many cases even when you do have prior experience. The topic of how to pick good advisors is one that I have often thought would be a fruitful area to explore more thoroughly.
Since this project was in an area I had never been involved in before, it was absolutely critical to gain as much information as quickly as possible. And, because I think I have made mistakes in the past in choosing some advisers in last minute crises situations, I wanted to be particularly careful.
As I progressed in this process, I ended up talking to several people about any one topic or area. I found that different people were able to provide different perspective and knowledge on the same topic. In many cases they were instrumental in educating me about what were the important and significant parameters I need to consider in any choice.
However, particularly in the beginning, I also had to discern which experts were speaking from a more 'neutral' perspective, providing valuable information and which were providing a biases perspective, either because they wanted to sell me something or because they themselves hadn't kept up with the changes in the technology and materials. So, in a way, this became a vetting process. In addition, I had to learn what my own esthetic 'taste' was. No expert could give me that.
So I would say that consulting experts was necessary but not sufficient. No expert is going to live with the consequences of my decision making. Only I would. I found that trusting my gut and that 'nudge' or uneasiness was a valuable addition to my rational decision making. In many cases it caused me to do additional rounds of questioning and information gathering, asking nuanced questions that I hadn't asked before. Those questions opened up whole new possibilities that hadn't been presented in the first rounds of investigation. And it resulted in making choices that I am now really satisfied with and excited about living with.
I hope this is a useful clarification. If this isn't clear, or somehow I have missed your point let me know and I will add more.
I also will respond to the question in your comments that has to do with sharing information on a way or ways to access ones intuition in another entry.
Thanks Susan.
:) Patricia
As I am reading them, I hear several interesting issues in your statement and question, so I probably will respond with multiple entries as I delve into the observation and question.
I actually hadn't intended to communicate that I thought consulting experts wasn't helpful. It actually was very helpful. As I think I mentioned in an email to you several months ago, I think finding good knowledge experts and advisers is critical when having to make decisions in areas you have no prior experience in. Actually, I think the selection of good experts can be critical in many cases even when you do have prior experience. The topic of how to pick good advisors is one that I have often thought would be a fruitful area to explore more thoroughly.
Since this project was in an area I had never been involved in before, it was absolutely critical to gain as much information as quickly as possible. And, because I think I have made mistakes in the past in choosing some advisers in last minute crises situations, I wanted to be particularly careful.
As I progressed in this process, I ended up talking to several people about any one topic or area. I found that different people were able to provide different perspective and knowledge on the same topic. In many cases they were instrumental in educating me about what were the important and significant parameters I need to consider in any choice.
However, particularly in the beginning, I also had to discern which experts were speaking from a more 'neutral' perspective, providing valuable information and which were providing a biases perspective, either because they wanted to sell me something or because they themselves hadn't kept up with the changes in the technology and materials. So, in a way, this became a vetting process. In addition, I had to learn what my own esthetic 'taste' was. No expert could give me that.
So I would say that consulting experts was necessary but not sufficient. No expert is going to live with the consequences of my decision making. Only I would. I found that trusting my gut and that 'nudge' or uneasiness was a valuable addition to my rational decision making. In many cases it caused me to do additional rounds of questioning and information gathering, asking nuanced questions that I hadn't asked before. Those questions opened up whole new possibilities that hadn't been presented in the first rounds of investigation. And it resulted in making choices that I am now really satisfied with and excited about living with.
I hope this is a useful clarification. If this isn't clear, or somehow I have missed your point let me know and I will add more.
I also will respond to the question in your comments that has to do with sharing information on a way or ways to access ones intuition in another entry.
Thanks Susan.
:) Patricia
Friday, September 5, 2008
Curiosity
The wife and 2 1/2 year old son of Caleb, one of the young men working on my house, came over to have lunch with him today. Logan, Caleb's son, was running all around exploring, asking about everything and continually saying "beautiful", "beautiful". This was as he was looking at dry wall hung on the walls and in nooks and crannies of the house.
It struck me again, how wonderful curiosity is. I think it is one of our greatest assets as human beings. It keeps us asking questions and learning new things. If we foster it throughout our whole lives, it propels us forward on an adventure of exploration and discovery. It challenges our assumptions and keeps us from getting calcified in our thinking. It enables us to expand our understanding of each other and the world.
Based on what we are learning about neuroscience, it seems to me that curiosity is a key ingredient in taking advantage of our brain's plasticity and our ongoing ability to lay down new neuro-nets. I also wonder if this might be a contributing factor to the avoidance of dementia as we age.
Because curiosity is a catalyst to expanding our learning, it fosters our life long ability to reinvent ourselves again and again, enabling us to grow into our own unlimited potential.
It struck me again, how wonderful curiosity is. I think it is one of our greatest assets as human beings. It keeps us asking questions and learning new things. If we foster it throughout our whole lives, it propels us forward on an adventure of exploration and discovery. It challenges our assumptions and keeps us from getting calcified in our thinking. It enables us to expand our understanding of each other and the world.
Based on what we are learning about neuroscience, it seems to me that curiosity is a key ingredient in taking advantage of our brain's plasticity and our ongoing ability to lay down new neuro-nets. I also wonder if this might be a contributing factor to the avoidance of dementia as we age.
Because curiosity is a catalyst to expanding our learning, it fosters our life long ability to reinvent ourselves again and again, enabling us to grow into our own unlimited potential.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Honing connection to intuition and heart
One of the things I realize more and more, is that everything I take on, can be a source of life lessons. For example, for the last three months, I have been emersed in an extendsive, intensive, remodeling project, that has encluded the removal of major walls, adding walls of windows and remodeling my kitchen.
Even though I have been working with a contractor and a designer on the side, I was still in the role of primary designer and general contractor. I had never done this before and I did not even know what my preferences were for the end result. It's been exciting, stimulating, stressful and exhausting.
In order to manage this, I found myself having to have a crash course to learn everything I could about making the best decisions for each element that went into creating a kitchen: the overall layout, electrical and plumbing choices, cabinets, counter tops, fixtures, etc.
There have been many life lessons learned.
One of the key lessons has been my own decision making process, particularly, learning to notice and pay attention to my intuition and deeper heartfelt preferences. Because I had never done this before, I needed to search out experts or talk with several vendors in order to understand what the parameters were for making decisions that would result in high quality, cost effective and esthetically pleasing choices. I started noticing that there were often times in this process when I would be aware of an internal 'nudge' or leaning in one direction of choice over another; or when I would start to feel uneasy when an expert would urge me to make a decision based on what everyone else does in a similar situation, and yet it didn't feel quite right to me.
In the beginning, I would override that 'nudge' or sense of uneasiness and would instead, go with what the expert suggested, only to get home and notice that the uneasy feeling would be growing. In each situation I 'went back to the drawing board' and got more information and asked a lot more questions; not only gathering more relevant information, but in the process, uncovering the intuitive wisdom that was embedded in the signal that those nudges, and uneasy feelings were about. I was uncovering my own preferences and true choice making from this intuitive signaling. This has been important leaning for me, because, while this has been like a giant 3-D art project, the consequences of the choices are ones I will have to live with for a long time.
Learning not to over ride my own wisdom and intuition and learning to listen to my hearts preferences has been an important journey as an adult. There are many times in the past, when I did not pay attention and overrode that signal and had to live with unintended consequences.
Buying this house was an example where I did not listen and there were big consequences.
Ten years ago, I was looking for a new house. Based on all appearances, this house looked like a great buy. It is an architecturally designed contemporary house with vaulted ceilings, great space, great views and a prime location. Everyone said it was a fantastic buy.
And yet, I had an underlying uneasiness. I double checked with all the experts who confirmed it was a great buy. So I bought it. What I discovered three years later, was that the bushes on the neighbors property below me, that I assumed was a hedge, were actually cedar trees that are destined to be 75 feet tall. They have already cut off a major portion of my spectacular view. What I learned 6 years after buying the house is that there was an unreported, ongoing leak inside the walls of a downstairs bedroom. When we finally opened the wall, we discovered dry rot that had been going on under the surface for so long, beams that were 4inches x 20inches were totally rotted through. This required major reconstruction and resulted in major costs.
So, even though everything looked good on the surface, some part of me knew intuitively that there was a major problem. I don't know exactly what I woud have done differently if I had paid attention to the gut feeling of uneasiness. I don't know if I would have investigated further, found the problems and renegotiated or just walked away. Whatever I would have done,
I would have saved myself a LOT of grief, sleepless nights and money.
So, learning to pay attention to my intuition has very practical applications and can have significant consequences when I do and don't listen. This has been true in many aspects of my life. That is why it is so important to me to continue to hone my ability to notice an listen to that inner signal and wisdom.
I am wondering what has been your experience with your own intuition?
Are you aware of it?
How does it signal you?
What have been the results of following or disregarding that signal?
I would love to hear from you.
Patricia
Even though I have been working with a contractor and a designer on the side, I was still in the role of primary designer and general contractor. I had never done this before and I did not even know what my preferences were for the end result. It's been exciting, stimulating, stressful and exhausting.
In order to manage this, I found myself having to have a crash course to learn everything I could about making the best decisions for each element that went into creating a kitchen: the overall layout, electrical and plumbing choices, cabinets, counter tops, fixtures, etc.
There have been many life lessons learned.
One of the key lessons has been my own decision making process, particularly, learning to notice and pay attention to my intuition and deeper heartfelt preferences. Because I had never done this before, I needed to search out experts or talk with several vendors in order to understand what the parameters were for making decisions that would result in high quality, cost effective and esthetically pleasing choices. I started noticing that there were often times in this process when I would be aware of an internal 'nudge' or leaning in one direction of choice over another; or when I would start to feel uneasy when an expert would urge me to make a decision based on what everyone else does in a similar situation, and yet it didn't feel quite right to me.
In the beginning, I would override that 'nudge' or sense of uneasiness and would instead, go with what the expert suggested, only to get home and notice that the uneasy feeling would be growing. In each situation I 'went back to the drawing board' and got more information and asked a lot more questions; not only gathering more relevant information, but in the process, uncovering the intuitive wisdom that was embedded in the signal that those nudges, and uneasy feelings were about. I was uncovering my own preferences and true choice making from this intuitive signaling. This has been important leaning for me, because, while this has been like a giant 3-D art project, the consequences of the choices are ones I will have to live with for a long time.
Learning not to over ride my own wisdom and intuition and learning to listen to my hearts preferences has been an important journey as an adult. There are many times in the past, when I did not pay attention and overrode that signal and had to live with unintended consequences.
Buying this house was an example where I did not listen and there were big consequences.
Ten years ago, I was looking for a new house. Based on all appearances, this house looked like a great buy. It is an architecturally designed contemporary house with vaulted ceilings, great space, great views and a prime location. Everyone said it was a fantastic buy.
And yet, I had an underlying uneasiness. I double checked with all the experts who confirmed it was a great buy. So I bought it. What I discovered three years later, was that the bushes on the neighbors property below me, that I assumed was a hedge, were actually cedar trees that are destined to be 75 feet tall. They have already cut off a major portion of my spectacular view. What I learned 6 years after buying the house is that there was an unreported, ongoing leak inside the walls of a downstairs bedroom. When we finally opened the wall, we discovered dry rot that had been going on under the surface for so long, beams that were 4inches x 20inches were totally rotted through. This required major reconstruction and resulted in major costs.
So, even though everything looked good on the surface, some part of me knew intuitively that there was a major problem. I don't know exactly what I woud have done differently if I had paid attention to the gut feeling of uneasiness. I don't know if I would have investigated further, found the problems and renegotiated or just walked away. Whatever I would have done,
I would have saved myself a LOT of grief, sleepless nights and money.
So, learning to pay attention to my intuition has very practical applications and can have significant consequences when I do and don't listen. This has been true in many aspects of my life. That is why it is so important to me to continue to hone my ability to notice an listen to that inner signal and wisdom.
I am wondering what has been your experience with your own intuition?
Are you aware of it?
How does it signal you?
What have been the results of following or disregarding that signal?
I would love to hear from you.
Patricia
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