I spent a week with my family over Christmas. One of the things I loved was being able to talk to my cousin's daughter, who I think of as a niece, and my brother's sons. My niece and three nephews are in their early 20s. One nephew is in his 30s and well established with his own business.
The universal theme for the 4 in their early 20s was trying to figure out what kind of careers they wanted. Or, for two who know their area of interest- sustainability- they are trying to figure out the specific job they want in that field and how to get started. It reminded me of how sucky it was being in, or just graduated from college and feeling the pressure of needing to know what you wanted to BE when you grow up, but not having any clear avenues to figure that out.
I know there are some lucky few who know from an early age, exactly what they want to do and they never waiver. I always envied their certainty. But this isn't the case for most kids. I know when I graduated I didn't know. I had a hard enough time trying to figure out my major. I wish someone had told me to not worry about deciding so quickly and to spend time exploring and experimenting so I could discover what I was really interested or passionate about. How can they know what they want, without going out and exploring and experimenting; without scanning possibilities?
I know many kids are influenced by their own or their friends parents. They get the exposure to what they are doing and get interested in it, or decide they want to avoid that field at all costs. My brother was influenced by a neighbor who was a successful developer. I ended up meeting someone by happenstance who was doing something that sounded really interesting- organization development. Even though it was a new field and I knew very little about it or how to get into it, I decided it's what I wanted to do. It took several years and another fortuitous happenstance before a door opened. Before that opening, I felt a lot of pressure, frustration and some despondency.
I wish someone had told me to relax. I wish someone had said you don't have to decide right now. You don't even have enough information. Follow your curiosity. Go explore and experiment. Discover what holds interest and passion for you. I wish someone had told me how to navigate through that uncertainty; how, for example to do informational interviews which I learned on my own after I quit one job cold turkey. It was a very empowering process that put me and potential employers on equal ground.
I have given my niece and nephews the best advice I can. But I wonder, what would others advise? This is not just a rhetorical question. These four young adults are very bright and dedicated people. Their energy, skills and abilities are precious resources, needed for our future. I would hate to see that resource, or their hope and commitment squandered.
So, really, what would you say to a young adult in their 20's, who wants to make a contribution and is trying to learn how to successfully navigate the world of work today? I would really appreciate your comments and will gladly summarize them if I get a plethora of suggestions; which I hope I do.
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4 comments:
Patricia,
You raise some valid points about how hard it can be to decide what you want to do "for the rest of your life," which can be daunting. I would encourage people in their twenties to first consider all the things they like (and don't) like to do.
There are a lot of books to suggest, such as Studs Terkel's "Working" and any of Barbara Sher's books on finding what you love.
You might also have them take one of Barbara's Success Teams, either in person or one of her new Success Teams by Phone.
A final suggestion is to encourage them to do some kind of volunteer work, both until and after they find a job. In fact, that may be one of the most important things they can do to truly "find themselves."
I hope this helps.
Beth
www.bethlamie.com
I have recently acquired 4 stepkids in their 20s so really resonate with your desire to help and with your position as a caring family member who is not a parent.
Consider this, though, which I am coming to think is the greater widsom: Everyone needs to struggle. It is how we become our own true selves and how we master life. Our advice is the fruit of our struggle, and we shortchange kids' reality when we expect them to just take it.
I would instead let them know the good qualities, strengths, talents, etc. that you honestly see in them. Be a cheerleader for their better self, a believer in them, a pal for the long haul. It takes time to build a relationship...and you never know what about you someone will draw strength from. Let them know you care about them as they are...they probably feel a bit ragged and want to be accepted as they are. If you connect with their own inner self and honor the integrity of their struggle to find their way, paradoxically, they are likely to become more interested in your ideas and maybe even in your advice....
Hi Patricia
I wrote a chapter for just those very people and I've gotten a lot of mail from them and from parents saying it hit the spot.
It's in I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was -- let me find the chapter....Chapter 9. Take a look. It's different. Basically it tells them that it's not such a life or death decision, and shows them why (in my usual convincing manner).
I really screwed up my 20's so I'm not so sure I'm the best one to be advising.
I'm don't think there is one right answer. In school I would suggest enjoy the academic buffet and get a taste for many subjects.
I remember this women I met while in grad. school, she was a Jr. I think. She was some engineering major who took an art class for fun. Well she just caught fire in this class. It was a treat to witness her discovery.
She wove a CRAZY, AMAZING, larger than life basket-like-thing out of newspaper. It was so huge. in fact, that she could not roll it out the classroom door. She...switched majors!
Explore and dip in at the same time. Maybe that's the line we all need to straddle. I think if someone enjoys something, jump in, swim around, see what works for you and what doesn't, refine, and design. Hey...That's the advice I would give them, refine and design.
Refine their interests and get or make a job in that field, then once there see how it fits. Continue to design what's works best for you and then refine some more. A career
is something you continue to create. Even, I think if you have always known what you love, it still grows and changes. Wouldn't you think?
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